I can’t decide whether I absolutely love or fervently loathe Lady Gaga at this point in time. She definitely doesn’t have the obsessive push-and-pull, the magnetic draw that she once had over my life, although I will never deny just how influential she has been on the quality of my life today and over the last several years. Somehow, through her, I found strength and courage inside me. I found my own truth and was able to put away the shame that had silenced it, and me, for so long. I found freedom in the music, inspiration in the message, and love from all corners of the growing world around me. I had experiences that could fill chapters in the most gripping and exciting storybooks, and eventually obtained the tools to put away my demons long and far enough to do the adult thing, the responsible thing. I pursued my continuation of higher learning while entertaining gainful employment. I brought all of these things into my life under the watchful eye of a girl named Stefani Joanne, who saved my life whether she knows it or not. I will always owe her for that… I’ve also learned, through much the same process, that I have to make sacrifices in order to accomplish the things that keep my ego, my self esteem afloat, and my positive, personal view on life healthy and supportive… today, as I trudge awkwardly across campus, my feet heavy on the pavement, my hat pulled low, shadowing my face. I have an oversized electronic cigarette in my hand, vaping cake batter and graham crackers, and I can hear the commuter rail train screech into the station behind me. It only stops for 45 seconds or so, traveling at the pace of life before it quickly barrels away toward Boston… it often reminds me of the bumpy trip to and around New York, and of the noteworthy, life changing memories I’ve made in that city, because of New York and because of Gaga. I fondly remember travelling and concerts, sun burns and gay bars, late nights, tattoos, camp outs, Lady Gaga, Central Park, drunken birthdays… these were some of the first, the best and the last moments when I was truly free. I have been given so many gifts and have learned so many things about myself, about who I am. I’ve learned enough to know that I take those walks across campus or put in an honest 40 hours as a result of the pile of presents I’ve torn into, each a surprise or a challenge or a lesson about life. I have earned my way back into the land of the living, with more than a little help from my friends, and from Lady Gaga… I know what it is like to meet the woman, and prefer to sum it up with the adage “don’t meet your heroes”… Her performances are life changing, freeing and endlessly exciting, but I can’t help but feel like a lot has changed, both to her musicality and her message, as well as to her personality, for better or for worse… and as far as Gaga and her Artpop era goes, no, I’m not sure if I really like any of it, even though I love so much of it, if that makes sense. I could question whether it is I who has changed or her, but the irrelevant answer would be that we both have. The best way I can describe this is to compare the association I felt with her to the one felt by Jesus’ worshipper in the “Footprints” poem. ( no, I am not saying I am Jesus, so slow your roll. I never liked carpentry anyway.) For a significant period of my adult life, Lady Gaga, my relationship with her and all that it encompassed, carried me until I had the strength to carry myself, with all my baggage and burdens, by myself… I guess I have two answers to my initial dilemma: first, I love and will always love Lady Gaga, for her irreverence, her fearlessness, her acknowledgement of her own weaknesses, her ability to see and use irony and humor and her true and unconditional love of others. She is the embodiment of everything I could hope to be in life… secondly, and beyond the feeling of hero worship, I don’t believe in Lady Gaga like I used to, and I hate that. I never thought I would balk and shake my head at her personal and certainly not her musical choices, but lately, I have had those feelings. Again, I hate that. It’s painful to not just love her anymore. It sucks to not be convinced, to not care with every fiber of my being. Again, I think we’ve both changed, and that’s all just part of doing life’s work. The experience of being uncomfortable promotes growth and change. I am in the thick of these experiences now, and I am okay with it, which is an incredible relied… I still believe in Lady Gaga enough, and love her enough to take me a trip back to New York in less than a week, to meet with friends I know because of her and to make new stories as we watch her perform in her home city… I guess you could say that I still love Lady Gaga.
It make me sad the Nathan and Susan had more interaction in the paley panel then those two who plays a boyfriend and a girlfriend..
clarity something happened and I just hope they can work things out.. I mean, Stana LOVE Caskett and Nathan seen that he isnt really care about them and lately he had problem with the production so maybe Stana just annoyed by it and it made them keep a distance.
I DONT KNOW ANYMORE I JUST WANT IT TO BE LIKE BEFORE.
key word: PLAYS.
I can’t believe all the Paley Fest nonsense being spewed around. The analysis is all very entertaining, but a lot of people who seem to be so detrimentally affected by it are looking way too deeply into it. It’s no wonder Nathan and Stana are two of the most private prime time stars. The reality is that the two are not great friends. That’s it. Nothing more. There is no hatred, no on-set tension, and because they are professionals they don’t HAVE to be best friends to do the jobs they signed up for. In my opinion, many fans have a skewed, unrealistic view of where Caskett stops and Stana Katic and Nathan Fillion begin, or feel like Stanathan should be stronger because of where Caskett is in the Castle-‘verse. Instead of theorizing on how Stana and Nathan SHOULD have behaved at Paleyfest, I would encourage fans to instead channel that energy into writing some fan fiction, watching a Castle-thon, or just all-round getting a grip…
*most of the above is tongue-in-cheek, not meant to offend, and is aimed at no one and everyone at the same time.